On becoming a Teacher.........

When I was in Grade school up until high school, I dreamt of becoming a lawyer. I would say that my father had the greatest influence in molding my early chosen career.  When I was in high school, attending competitions that would present unique ideas and smart opinions and defending it before the crowd was ubiquitous. Back home, I always practiced that skill – the skill to rebut or to dispute. I tend to argue with my father, which was brilliant to him but an outrage  to my mother.

When I entered college in a University, I ended up taking Education. Why I took Education? Well, it’s a long story and all I knew was I despised becoming a teacher. Though my Entrance Exam score was high that even the medical course could have accommodated me, I took the degree that those who failed the exam ended up enrolling. I felt embarrassed when friends asked me what degree I was taking. I neither had the nerve to roam around the Education building nor a part of any Education organization. I could even remember one time, a professor ,with a poker face, asked our class why we took education.

I had flame-less desire and low-powered motivation engine so my report card at the end of each semester would show a "not-so-good, not-so-bad grades.Suddenly, that flame just stopped and ended up undergraduate and set a foot in the BPO industry aka Call Center Industry. I started in the industry when there were just few call centers in the country and qualifications were above average. I would say that this industry let me tasted the abundance of life – I was able to fill my empty space with the things we never had back home. Back then, I thought of just getting this college thing go because by that point, I was already in. Getting paid and receiving  my paychecks was like heaven as it was this little part of my life that I received then “huge” amount ,I wasn't use to hold such amount before. To me, it was satisfying when I got to visit the mall and had fine dine in once every pay period.

 I was so delighted and my way of life was totally gratifying – until I received this one call from my customer. With his harsh insulting and totally truculent language, he told me that I never gone to higher education because the Philippines doesn't  have a higher institute of learning. I've been in the industry for quite some time and though I received similar calls in the past, this specific call made me realize, it wasn't right. Good thing, the next day was our pay period. So After withdrawing money from my ATM the next day, I went to process my papers for re enrollment. Yes, I went back to school.

At first, I was worried because I lived independently and apart from my school fees, I had to settle my monthly dues.Putting on a new clothes, paying bills on time or even dining in to food chains became less easy. My cupboard would soon become empty than half filled. Seeing movie is even now a luxury. But that moment I sat down in that classroom, that moment I stepped back to college…it felt like I’m back home. It felt like breathing and it felt right. Suddenly, I  came to realize that when you’re doing the work you are meant to do, it felt right and everyday is a bonus regardless of what you’re getting paid.

Today, I’m finishing my remaining units in Education. Believe it or not, I am desirous to teach my first lesson in class, to wear a faculty uniform and to scribble my first draft on the board. But above all the lesson plans, teacher's manual, faculty meetings etc I think, the reason why I regained the flame to become a teacher is to teach the true academic of  life.My philosophy of education is formed through a combination of my life experiences as a student, my experience as a call center worker, my studies, and a handful of inspiring stories and quotations that have entered my life. Much more , I had realized  that being a teacher  is not just a career but it serves just like a platform to help other people lift their lives.

Perhaps that part of my life when I was working in a call center gave me the room to enjoy life's bounty, to live with the world and to explore life in different perspective.But there's always a lesson to everything we do and to every experience we have.Several times my mother would remind me about getting my degree and several times,I neglected. And there's always a scene in our life when we need to be reminded just like from that lost call I received. And I got the message - to move forward, to enrich my spirit because inner wisdom is more precious than wealth.So I'll get that document and I must get that diploma.

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A Mother's Touch

An Open Letter for my Mother 

Nay,

Musta na?  It’s been a while since we last talk over the phone.  Im writing you this letter because I just realized how wonderful you are.  Dati, hindi kita naapreciate but now, As I face ung mga challenges dito sa Manila, I wonder how were you able to overcome ung mga paghihirap mo dati sa family natin.

Lam mo Nay, I dreamed of you last night. I was crying hard because,  in my dream, you were gone, as in forever. I was in an uncommon place with uncommon people. Yung community na un has very simple living, puro kubo lang ung bahay.  Kami ni Maine were looking for you in that place. Someone told us na nakita ka daw pero hanggang dun lang. We never found you. You were gone forever.

I woke up crying, buti na lng panaginip lang yun. I am sorry dahil I never told you how much I love you. I am sorry If I failed you. Nung bata pa kmi, you thought that I would be the most successful sa aming magkakapatid dahil ako ang pinakamatalino. I promised you na dadalhin kita sa PICC pra sa graduation ko but as of this time, wala pa akong diploma.

Naalala ko pa nung nagtitinda ka pa sa skul namin. Madaling araw pa lang pumupunta ka na sa bayan para bilhin mga ititinda mo. Paggising naming magkakapatid nakahanda na ung almusal namin. Ginisang corned beef dahil yun  mabilis lutuin.Ung baon namin , nadivide divide na sa mesa para sa aming magkakapatid. Minsan meron na ding lapis o pad paper  depende kung nagsabi na kami na wala na kaming supply. Lam mo ba naiinis ako sau dati kasi kanya kanya kami ng bihis. Minsan, pumapasok kmi na di nakplantsa ang uniform. Kung minsan naman, d na ako sumasali sa mga skul program dhil wla akong isusuot. Dahil wala kang panahon to look for what we needed. 

Pero Nay, naalala mo pa rin ba nung pinagbawalan na kau ng Prinsipal naming na magtinda sa skul? Salbaheng principal nay un. Nahihiya ako kapag lagging nababanggit sa flag ceremony na bawal na kaming bumili sa inyo. Na kesyo daw makakuha daw kmi ng sakit pag bumili kmi sa inyo. Lam ko nmn na di un totoo kasi lam ko nmn kung ganu mo nililinis mga gingamit mo. Di ba nga sa bahay , mas malinis pa ung mga pinapagamit mo sa mga estudyante kesa sa mga ginagamit namin sa bahay?

Well, wala ka din nagawa hanggang tuluyan ka ng napaalis and you ended up, selling ice candy sa palengke duting market days. Life became so tough. Minsan we were going to school without baon kasi nagagalit ka pag humihingi kami. But one time, naawa ka so binigyan mo ako ng 1.50 ng kusa , di ko un makakalimutan.Na touched kaya ako dun.

Pero lam mo Nay, and di ko makakalimutan ay ung lagi nyong pag aaway ni Tatay kapag nalalasing sya. Everytime nalalasing si Tatay, it was  a nightmare for us all. That was many years ago but until now, those memories still haunting me. Minsan natatakot pa dn ako. I was 9 yrs old and Randy was just 8. Kpag nag aaway kayo ni Tatay ng dis oras ng gabi, lagi kong pinapatakbo si Randy kila lola sa bayan para tawagin sya. Lam nyo bang takot na takot nyang binabaybay ang mga pilapil at nilalakaran and madilim na kalsada na puno ng pino (pine trees) na  animoy nagmumulto ang lawiswis kapag lumalakas ang hangin? Takot na takot ang kapatid kong maglakad sa  kalsada na wala man lang kailaw ilaw. Ang tanging ilaw na lng ng dala nyang flashlight ang nagtuturo sa akin kung saan na sya naroon. Gusto ko syang samahan  pero kailangan kong maiwan sa bahay para bantayan kung ano pwedeng gawin ni Tatay sa inyo . I may exaggerate things but at my young  age, Hearing those glasses breaking ,I knew Tatay could harm you. How were you manage to answer him back when he was already in “terror”?You should have stopped cursing him to mellow the situation. Remember how I wasforceless and innocently  pull Tatay’s pants everytime he pulled your hair? ..Anyway, those were the days.

Right now, I would  say that I am not ok. I quit from my work because our acct can’t accommodate much more employees and they just held back my wage. I have pending bills but my funds are low. In fact today is my due date for my rent. I want to go back to school to fulfill my promise but I don’t have any idea on how to raise money for my tuition but I will Nay, no matter what it takes. Despite all these, I am still happy. Thank you for letting me understand how simple life is beyond its complexities. You’ve told me once that everything in life is temporary. That we might have problems with money at times but if we stay humble, people would understand. Thank You Nay for making me feel better now.

Also Nay, thank you for all your prayers.  I know that every Sunday , you are always asking for His grace. Thanks that no matter how difficult life is, you were able to provide us “ life”.  You’ve swallowed your pride many times now but I’d like to let you know how grateful I am to have you as my mother. I will be forever grateful.

I love You.

This is you Son,

Ryan

Celebration of Life Over Limitations

All through my life up until now, I’ve controlled how to express my emotions, not because I didn’t feel them, I felt them very deeply, but I certainly suppressed my  inferiority and discontentment. Being a poor kid, I knew how to pretend  I wasn’t hungry, to act like I wasn’t cold when I was  freezing , and to feel like people’s  words  didn’t hurt  just because my state didn’t  give me the liberty to complain. My young heart was screaming up to the top of my lungs but words seemed hesitant to come out. I was mum as if the feeling never existed. There were several moments in my past life that my pride was confronted and had to convince myself to understand and give pardon although I knew things weren’t right. I was tired of this negative emotion and I felt so dissatisfied. My fierce motivated me. They provoked self-challenge. I had to stop so I had to get in my way. I had to lift my spirit to be able to get to a point where I could be “somebody”. I had to analyze my worth and prepare myself to my own battle of survival – to defy life.

Life is full of trickery, full of twists and always unexpected. Every road I have been clumping seems all up hill. But, I have to remind myself that I have nowhere to go except up as I have already been at the bottom for the rest of my life. I have taken the chance and took the risk because I knew that at the end of this journey, there would be another beginning to look forward to. And by the time it would come around, I would be much more prepared just because I had grown. But I had reached the point to think how I would be able to climb that hill - the road is steep and cliff is death defying. But that’s where I am going. That’s where I am headed and there’s no turning back. Whether I’m clinging to a rock or jumping off on a cliff, they are both scary things to do for me. I have no option but to just throw myself to the wind and just say, " All right life, Here I am!" What I think is important now is to act and not allowing those to block me, to learn to live with them and to carry them around.

But this life is such a fool. After this very long, long journey, when  I finally  see the victory at the end of this road, life comes dressed up like detours or roadblock and sometimes, as full blown breaking point. No matter how I am persistent and motivated, life would still kick me and kick me again when I am already down. I failed multiple times, maybe ten times or even a hundred times and I couldn’t find the strength to get back up. But this life has so many lessons to teach me. Someone said ,"If I you're down with your face on the ground, you would try a hundred times to get up. If you fall a hundred and give up, you'll realize that it would be the end of your journey". So, I won’t give up. I will try, and try and try again even a thousand times because this is not the end and I have to end this strong. So to every fall, I have to find that strength to get back up. I have to find that strength to persevere and endure its toughness in spite of overwhelming obstacles.

But then again, I am just a human being and there are several ways my self-confidence can get destroyed – expecting too much from myself, setting my expectations so high and at the end, setting myself for disappointment. At one point I am hopeless, I realize that I am the only living person who believes in my dreams – that everything I do, regardless of how I am going to do it, I still fail. This pain is just too much that I want to just breakdown and scream the hell out. I am helpless to convince myself that I am strong and I lost the courage to move on, I lose faith – I’m feeling so tired, very tired. I feel like I’m not destined to succeed at all. I was never been miserable in my life. I seem to have lost all hope in everything. My motivation has evaporated into thin air. My self confidence and self esteem has hit an all time low. For a long time now, I never let myself to grieve because I hate to let my emotion to take over --- until today. This time, this feeling has to be acknowledged - my tears are now out of my control.

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while so that we can see life with a clearer view again. There are moments in life that that we feel so down but those are the times that we have to remind ourselves to keep focused on believing ourselves. It may not be easy at times but in those struggles and difficulties, we will find the essence of who we really are. So when the days come filled with life- bothering frustrations, always believe in ourselves and all we want our life to be. Just like the  quote on that corridor wall said, "Rest if we must, but don't you dare quit! " So let's damn live with it. After all, this is still a beautiful world to live no matter what! Keep shinning for our day is still to come.Always be patient.

Wanders in the Night....

The Insomnia Effect

It’s 1:00 of Sunday morning. This humble apartment is lit by a blend of yellow lights from a lamp on the table and a radiating street light just outside the room. A glare of an open television makes this room even brighter while a flip of a fan breaks the silence of this lonely dawn. Mellow music is playing on TV and yet, I am still having a hard time catching a sleep. While waiting for my dream catcher to take effect, a lot of things are coming out of my head.  Thinking about what’s going on in this world, bitter-sweet memories, inspiring conversations, plans for tomorrow and a lot more from inspiring thoughts to just pure loneliness. 

Let me go ahead and document how my brain reminisce and explore the world of fantasy during this hour of insanity.Let me put all of these thoughts into words.

While I was grabbing a pen in my drawer, a flash report showed on tv. According to the report, a body of a teenage boy is found inside his room in a dorm in Manila. The boy hung himself for unknown reason. Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Such a poor boy. I wonder what he was thinking just before he ended his life. Was it about money, love or family? And I wonder, Why is it that desperate things happen mostly at night? Do you think the darkness of the night has a secret to tell? I don’t know.

Early this evening, I met with a friend in a bookstore along Recto. After buying a book, we went to Quiapo church and headed to a food chain nearby, after. Well, I’m still thinking what he told me while I was eating my cheeseburger. He told me that the owner of the food store sold the store to Jolibee for 350 million pesos and he added that the former owner was a college drop out. Now, I’m thinking, Do we really need to go to college in this country to get millions? Suddenly, the topic went to the Forbes lists of Philippines billionaires. Sy has 2.8 billion dollars so when we did our math, He has to spend 280 million dollars each year for 1,000 years before he used up all his money. Wow!!If all these billionaires would share 1 million each, Do you think there would be a school that would still need a chair? I wonder.

As I look around this room, I noticed the moon by the window. Her light is pale yet faintly glimmering in the night sky. I remember when I was young, we play under the moon’s shadow especially during garlic season when farmers stay to look after their crops. Laughter and cheers echoed in the vast farmland where we normally play hide and seek. We hid ourselves from haystack, corn crops, and pile of logs or kubol. I miss the days when all I care is my mother’s stick when I fail to take a bath. I wish I could be in the days when life was so simple and carefree just like the pale bright light. I miss the old days when we sleep by the beach under the quiet coolness of moonlight. I think, I miss to live again under its shine. 

A message alert from my facebook account unintentionally cut off my musing. It’s a message of a college friend who is now based in California. I envy my friends who are now in the US. Sometimes, I heard them complain about their struggles but If I were in their position, I wouldn’t care at all. I’m still dying to see the busy streets of downtown New York or the Golden Gate. I don’t think, night in the US is as lonesome as it is in the third world.

Its already 4:00 AM and still so quiet – so peaceful. My gaze is diverted to my room. I look back and ask myself, Am I happy? Am I contented? Many times I planned to escape, to live away from frustrations. I want to occupy myself with new beginnings, new life – anything new. I want to be born again, But how? I don’t know, maybe in my dreams.

Good Night Everyone.

A Tale of an Imperfect Father

I am not going to tell you how good my father is. I will not sing praises for him as well. Many of us remember our father as the best man in the world. And today as we celebrate Fathers Day, I will talk about my Father when I was young and innocent. I will remember the years when I was supposed to enjoy the wonders of childhood. I will look back to the pain of my innocence. I will tell how imperfect my father was..

When I was young, I've always seen my father under the influence of alcohol. When I say always, I mean almost every single day. And every time he was intoxicated, our home was in chaos. I would hear my father cursing us all – cursing my mother who was tired working the whole day. And later on, I could hear glasses breaking, doors banging and nasty words coming out from my father’s mouth. It was a painful experience to see your parents fighting and cursing. And, growing in this so called “shelter” was never easy. I would always envy my classmates whose parents were not fighting. There was a time I didn’t want to go home because I was afraid to see my father but I didn’t have any choice.

But without alcohol, our life was normal. I remember when I was in Grade 1, my father used to drive me to school with his old bicycle. I would always complain not letting me to just ride on a motor bike and would just pay P5.00. He would always say , “Bukas na lang”. I remember one time he would sit in my class. It embarrassed me because back then, it was annoying to have your parents watch you in class. It was only my father who did that after all.

As I grew older I realized how difficult my father's job was . Despite his flaws, he worked doubly hard as a security officer of the same school I attended back in high school. He tried so hard to serve us good meal on a dinner table. As a security officer, he had shift rotation so sometimes he worked during night.So, with his pillow, mosquito net, mat, flashlight and a transistor radio, he was inclined to go to his "duty", regardless of the weather .Sleeping along dark corridors between old school buildings during his night shift was never easy but I never heard my father complained how inconvenient it was .Most of the time, I complain about my compensation while my father , though he was just receiving a quarter of my earnings, never said a single disappointment about his wage.


Suddenly today, I can now recognize how my father was able to fulfill his lapses.

I know my father doesn’t have any idea on how to use the internet so it is impossible for him to read this but today, as  we celebrate Fathers Day… I have only one thing to say to my father……….

                Tay, alam ko ngaun kung bakit kayo naglalasing nung bata kami. Naiintindihan ko na sobra na kayong napapagod  sa hirap ng buhay natin nun but you just didn’t had the courage to tell us because you knew that it was your responsibility. Di mo kami mapasama sa mga field trips dhil wala kang pera pero ok lang po. Natatandaan ko nung tumawag c Asel sa inyo after he passed the board, “Tay , Nurse na ako!.. Di kayo nagsalita for a while, you just said in a rattling voice, “Nurse ka na anak? I know that you were so happy to hear that ksi alam ko na matagal nyo na ring gustong may ipagmalaki.Tingnan nyo Tay, di kau nagkulang. Kailanman di kau naging kulang. Uulit ulitin ko po na sasabihin sa inyo katulad ng paulit ulit nyong pagsasabi pag nalalasing kayo na mahal na mahal namin kayo. When you sat in my class in Grade 1, I finally realized that you just wanted us to study harder. And in the end, these small things that you’ve done – these little imperfections made everything so perfect. Di nyo man nabigay lahat but you will leave us the richest inheritance.
Happy Father’s Day

Just When You Least Expect It

I was surfing videos from YouTube and suddenly a music video of the song “That’s What Friends are For“ by Dione Warwick caught my attention. I heard this song played several times over the radio during late hours but this time,I learn to appreciate the song. While I was watching the video, I didn’t realize that my eyes were already in tears. Suddenly, I just realized how my friends made everything so easy for me.

I don’t have much friends, I only have few. And these people show up in the middle of the night, just when I least expect it. People who'd patiently listen to my complains and hold my hand when I’m sad. People who would say nothing but hug me when I’m not ok. When I'm disappointed in life, I turn to my friends just before I turn to my family.

How can I forget the day when I was terribly in need. We don't speak that much. You're so far and yet just one message I sent you, you responded with the tracking number. You never knew how you were able to pull me out from darkness when everything seems hopeless.

We've been through a lot of things when we were in college. We both cried when the world was unfair. Though sometimes we had disagreement you were still there to make me laugh. We've shared fun and happy moments even though we had nothing for supper. But despite all, our lives moved and I'm grateful and happy because you are now fulfilled.

At first, I was a stranger but you've opened the door for me. You may not know but your company let me feel that I am not alone. I can see those questions in your eyes but you opted to smile to help myself smile. Thank you for taking good care of me.

Three different scenarios that I will never forget. Different people I've met in my journey called life.

To all of my friends, I never got the chance to say it but today, I'd like to say," Thank You for helping me make it through these tough years. Thank you for saving me from doing the unspeakable. I love you and will never forget you".

My Theme Song

They say that a song is a reflection of our experiences in our journey. It is a  melody of our daily existence. But if the lyrics of a song describes the kind of world we are living, then, which song narrates our own struggles and victory in life.

I heard this song once when I was surfing on youtube. Since then, I keep playing this song almost every time I log in to the site. It is a song about mother’s undying love – it is a song of love.
In the bible, the coat of many colors is the name of the multi-colored garment that Joseph owned but in this song, it is a patchwork coat of many materials which have been of different colors. The song, Coat of Many Colors originally sung by Dolly Parton, tells a story of how Parton’s mother stitched together a coat for her daughter out of rags given to the family. As she sewed, she told her child the biblical story of Joseph and his coat of many colors.

Well, I'm not really into country music but this song perfectly reflects how humble our life was. In my family, getting what we wanted was less easy. But despite all these, my parents were so generous beyond their means. And just like the Coat of Many Colors, the greatest gift they gave us was the gift of love. 

I am Xuanya………

 XUANYA is Chinese for cliff.  I once heard from a wise man, that when you are pushed off a cliff, you either fall or you fly. I am not the cliff but you can call me Xuanya – I am Xuanya . And this is my story of climbing up the wall and seeing another road, when I thought it was already a dead end.

The breeze was cold in the early morning of November.  I could smell the balmy odor of eucalyptus trees growing along the lonely highway.  It was still a little dark but the brightness of the day was starting to flourish in the sky.  On the window of the bus, I could see old women crating dried leaves in their yard while men had their plows on their shoulders. From a distance, I could see the arch welcoming everyone. Finally, I reached my point of destination. It’s nice to be back home.

It was a 10 hrs of travel from Manila to Ilocos but the place was worth the long journey. My hometown had a lot to offer for travelers like white sand beaches , windmills which is first in Southeast Asia ( I think), Hispanic architectures , old churches and bridges and of course good food. But I was not there for these. I was there to heal the wounds. I was there because I had realised, I had nowhere to go.

Meanwhile, as I moved closer to our house , I saw Nanay grazing our animals in the field near our humble house. Our house is situated in the middle of rice fields. It was the same house I left 4 yrs ago but it became older – roof turned brown and cracks became visible on the walls. Upon seeing me, Nanay approached and helped me carry my bags. “Kumusta  anak”, she asked. I smiled. After all, she knew why I was home.

“Gising na, Dito na kuya nyo!!”, I heard my father waking my younger siblings.  Then, they went to open my bags and I saw how disappointed they were to see nothing inside. It’s a good thing I had a pair of apples to compensate their letdown. For them, Manila was a land of bounty that whenever you come home, you have at least “ some” for them. But not that time. I didn’t want to come home empty handed but that’s all I could afford .

The memories were in the past but the pain is still haunting me up to the present.

I stayed in Ilocos for more than a year. I stopped going to college because my parents could't afford my tuition and my aunt won’t help me anymore. So, In the province, I again actualized how difficult life was. Ulam was unexpected until  mealtime – depends on what was available in the farm. During rainy season, kangkong sprouted  all over the field so we always had ulam on those days . Summer was tough because the land was dry. Sometimes, there were “lone egpplants” living in some areas that even an immature fruit needed to be picked just to have something for dinner.

Life was hard. Really hard.  So I decided to go back to Manila to look for a job. My mother was against but  I was able to convince her when I agreed to stay with our relative – but she didn’t know I lied. I didn’t want to go back to that place anymore.  Her face was so worried when she accompanied me to the terminal. She handed me P3,000 she saved from her ice candy business(not really a business but  Nanay sells ice candy, anyway). The bus started to move  and passed my mother on her bike. I was crying inside.

This part of my life, this woeful moment of my life ignited a flame of thirst -a vision of a better life. I had to make myself believe that I can stop poverty in my family despite my inner doubts. I knew it was impossible because resources were lacking and in reality, self-motivation was not enough and will never be an assurance. But I have shown courage to my mother before I left. So I have to find that strength to stand up. No matter how difficult , no matter how impossible.

Things You Should Know......

I am.........

• born under the sign of the water bearer
• second to the eldest of 6 siblings
• know how challenging and sometimes hard life is so I value all the blessings that comes my way
• a joker and happy person in public but I cried a lot when I'm alone
• blessed to have a loving family
• a devoted child of the one true GOD
• i tend to be sentimental 
• born with the gift of sensitivity - more of an Empathy which can sense a persons true feelings
• I've been working in the CC/BPO industry since 2003
• I've been into a lot - from hell n' back but I pride myself for always being grounded and overcoming the challenges and trials in my life
• I love the rain and the smell of it
• I love nature
• I love Naima - my pet dog who's no longer with me
• I have no fear in the dark nor the paranormal but I am claustrophobic
• When I was young, I wanted to be a lawyer
• I value my different mentors in life
• I fight for what I feel and know is right
• I value respect and attention
• I believe that there is no such thing as chance but we make our own destiny
• I love to cook and experiment in the kitchen
• My mom would deny it but I know Im the son of the Sultan of Brunei
• I hate my current job and I dont see myself working in the same industry next year
• I aspire to be the best person I can be and to be a role model of how I live my life
• I love Martha Stewart , Giana de Laurentiis and Nanay
• I want to see Santorini and I'd love to live in New York
• I love mellow/ballad
• I love country lifestyle
• I love the simplicity of life
• I love myself and the way life is treating me.........

Moving on...

Hi,

They said that the only constant thing in this world is change… and having said that, I decided to make change by reminiscing life’s bitter-sweet memories… so for this, I will now be publishing some of them in a different platform and that is here – http://iamyuandancel.blogspot.com/

What’s the reason for change? Nothing… I just want something new…hehehe

I hope you will follow my story here…