A Mother's Touch

An Open Letter for my Mother 

Nay,

Musta na?  It’s been a while since we last talk over the phone.  Im writing you this letter because I just realized how wonderful you are.  Dati, hindi kita naapreciate but now, As I face ung mga challenges dito sa Manila, I wonder how were you able to overcome ung mga paghihirap mo dati sa family natin.

Lam mo Nay, I dreamed of you last night. I was crying hard because,  in my dream, you were gone, as in forever. I was in an uncommon place with uncommon people. Yung community na un has very simple living, puro kubo lang ung bahay.  Kami ni Maine were looking for you in that place. Someone told us na nakita ka daw pero hanggang dun lang. We never found you. You were gone forever.

I woke up crying, buti na lng panaginip lang yun. I am sorry dahil I never told you how much I love you. I am sorry If I failed you. Nung bata pa kmi, you thought that I would be the most successful sa aming magkakapatid dahil ako ang pinakamatalino. I promised you na dadalhin kita sa PICC pra sa graduation ko but as of this time, wala pa akong diploma.

Naalala ko pa nung nagtitinda ka pa sa skul namin. Madaling araw pa lang pumupunta ka na sa bayan para bilhin mga ititinda mo. Paggising naming magkakapatid nakahanda na ung almusal namin. Ginisang corned beef dahil yun  mabilis lutuin.Ung baon namin , nadivide divide na sa mesa para sa aming magkakapatid. Minsan meron na ding lapis o pad paper  depende kung nagsabi na kami na wala na kaming supply. Lam mo ba naiinis ako sau dati kasi kanya kanya kami ng bihis. Minsan, pumapasok kmi na di nakplantsa ang uniform. Kung minsan naman, d na ako sumasali sa mga skul program dhil wla akong isusuot. Dahil wala kang panahon to look for what we needed. 

Pero Nay, naalala mo pa rin ba nung pinagbawalan na kau ng Prinsipal naming na magtinda sa skul? Salbaheng principal nay un. Nahihiya ako kapag lagging nababanggit sa flag ceremony na bawal na kaming bumili sa inyo. Na kesyo daw makakuha daw kmi ng sakit pag bumili kmi sa inyo. Lam ko nmn na di un totoo kasi lam ko nmn kung ganu mo nililinis mga gingamit mo. Di ba nga sa bahay , mas malinis pa ung mga pinapagamit mo sa mga estudyante kesa sa mga ginagamit namin sa bahay?

Well, wala ka din nagawa hanggang tuluyan ka ng napaalis and you ended up, selling ice candy sa palengke duting market days. Life became so tough. Minsan we were going to school without baon kasi nagagalit ka pag humihingi kami. But one time, naawa ka so binigyan mo ako ng 1.50 ng kusa , di ko un makakalimutan.Na touched kaya ako dun.

Pero lam mo Nay, and di ko makakalimutan ay ung lagi nyong pag aaway ni Tatay kapag nalalasing sya. Everytime nalalasing si Tatay, it was  a nightmare for us all. That was many years ago but until now, those memories still haunting me. Minsan natatakot pa dn ako. I was 9 yrs old and Randy was just 8. Kpag nag aaway kayo ni Tatay ng dis oras ng gabi, lagi kong pinapatakbo si Randy kila lola sa bayan para tawagin sya. Lam nyo bang takot na takot nyang binabaybay ang mga pilapil at nilalakaran and madilim na kalsada na puno ng pino (pine trees) na  animoy nagmumulto ang lawiswis kapag lumalakas ang hangin? Takot na takot ang kapatid kong maglakad sa  kalsada na wala man lang kailaw ilaw. Ang tanging ilaw na lng ng dala nyang flashlight ang nagtuturo sa akin kung saan na sya naroon. Gusto ko syang samahan  pero kailangan kong maiwan sa bahay para bantayan kung ano pwedeng gawin ni Tatay sa inyo . I may exaggerate things but at my young  age, Hearing those glasses breaking ,I knew Tatay could harm you. How were you manage to answer him back when he was already in “terror”?You should have stopped cursing him to mellow the situation. Remember how I wasforceless and innocently  pull Tatay’s pants everytime he pulled your hair? ..Anyway, those were the days.

Right now, I would  say that I am not ok. I quit from my work because our acct can’t accommodate much more employees and they just held back my wage. I have pending bills but my funds are low. In fact today is my due date for my rent. I want to go back to school to fulfill my promise but I don’t have any idea on how to raise money for my tuition but I will Nay, no matter what it takes. Despite all these, I am still happy. Thank you for letting me understand how simple life is beyond its complexities. You’ve told me once that everything in life is temporary. That we might have problems with money at times but if we stay humble, people would understand. Thank You Nay for making me feel better now.

Also Nay, thank you for all your prayers.  I know that every Sunday , you are always asking for His grace. Thanks that no matter how difficult life is, you were able to provide us “ life”.  You’ve swallowed your pride many times now but I’d like to let you know how grateful I am to have you as my mother. I will be forever grateful.

I love You.

This is you Son,

Ryan