Wanders in the Night....

The Insomnia Effect

It’s 1:00 of Sunday morning. This humble apartment is lit by a blend of yellow lights from a lamp on the table and a radiating street light just outside the room. A glare of an open television makes this room even brighter while a flip of a fan breaks the silence of this lonely dawn. Mellow music is playing on TV and yet, I am still having a hard time catching a sleep. While waiting for my dream catcher to take effect, a lot of things are coming out of my head.  Thinking about what’s going on in this world, bitter-sweet memories, inspiring conversations, plans for tomorrow and a lot more from inspiring thoughts to just pure loneliness. 

Let me go ahead and document how my brain reminisce and explore the world of fantasy during this hour of insanity.Let me put all of these thoughts into words.

While I was grabbing a pen in my drawer, a flash report showed on tv. According to the report, a body of a teenage boy is found inside his room in a dorm in Manila. The boy hung himself for unknown reason. Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Such a poor boy. I wonder what he was thinking just before he ended his life. Was it about money, love or family? And I wonder, Why is it that desperate things happen mostly at night? Do you think the darkness of the night has a secret to tell? I don’t know.

Early this evening, I met with a friend in a bookstore along Recto. After buying a book, we went to Quiapo church and headed to a food chain nearby, after. Well, I’m still thinking what he told me while I was eating my cheeseburger. He told me that the owner of the food store sold the store to Jolibee for 350 million pesos and he added that the former owner was a college drop out. Now, I’m thinking, Do we really need to go to college in this country to get millions? Suddenly, the topic went to the Forbes lists of Philippines billionaires. Sy has 2.8 billion dollars so when we did our math, He has to spend 280 million dollars each year for 1,000 years before he used up all his money. Wow!!If all these billionaires would share 1 million each, Do you think there would be a school that would still need a chair? I wonder.

As I look around this room, I noticed the moon by the window. Her light is pale yet faintly glimmering in the night sky. I remember when I was young, we play under the moon’s shadow especially during garlic season when farmers stay to look after their crops. Laughter and cheers echoed in the vast farmland where we normally play hide and seek. We hid ourselves from haystack, corn crops, and pile of logs or kubol. I miss the days when all I care is my mother’s stick when I fail to take a bath. I wish I could be in the days when life was so simple and carefree just like the pale bright light. I miss the old days when we sleep by the beach under the quiet coolness of moonlight. I think, I miss to live again under its shine. 

A message alert from my facebook account unintentionally cut off my musing. It’s a message of a college friend who is now based in California. I envy my friends who are now in the US. Sometimes, I heard them complain about their struggles but If I were in their position, I wouldn’t care at all. I’m still dying to see the busy streets of downtown New York or the Golden Gate. I don’t think, night in the US is as lonesome as it is in the third world.

Its already 4:00 AM and still so quiet – so peaceful. My gaze is diverted to my room. I look back and ask myself, Am I happy? Am I contented? Many times I planned to escape, to live away from frustrations. I want to occupy myself with new beginnings, new life – anything new. I want to be born again, But how? I don’t know, maybe in my dreams.

Good Night Everyone.