Just When You Least Expect It

I was surfing videos from YouTube and suddenly a music video of the song “That’s What Friends are For“ by Dione Warwick caught my attention. I heard this song played several times over the radio during late hours but this time,I learn to appreciate the song. While I was watching the video, I didn’t realize that my eyes were already in tears. Suddenly, I just realized how my friends made everything so easy for me.

I don’t have much friends, I only have few. And these people show up in the middle of the night, just when I least expect it. People who'd patiently listen to my complains and hold my hand when I’m sad. People who would say nothing but hug me when I’m not ok. When I'm disappointed in life, I turn to my friends just before I turn to my family.

How can I forget the day when I was terribly in need. We don't speak that much. You're so far and yet just one message I sent you, you responded with the tracking number. You never knew how you were able to pull me out from darkness when everything seems hopeless.

We've been through a lot of things when we were in college. We both cried when the world was unfair. Though sometimes we had disagreement you were still there to make me laugh. We've shared fun and happy moments even though we had nothing for supper. But despite all, our lives moved and I'm grateful and happy because you are now fulfilled.

At first, I was a stranger but you've opened the door for me. You may not know but your company let me feel that I am not alone. I can see those questions in your eyes but you opted to smile to help myself smile. Thank you for taking good care of me.

Three different scenarios that I will never forget. Different people I've met in my journey called life.

To all of my friends, I never got the chance to say it but today, I'd like to say," Thank You for helping me make it through these tough years. Thank you for saving me from doing the unspeakable. I love you and will never forget you".

My Theme Song

They say that a song is a reflection of our experiences in our journey. It is a  melody of our daily existence. But if the lyrics of a song describes the kind of world we are living, then, which song narrates our own struggles and victory in life.

I heard this song once when I was surfing on youtube. Since then, I keep playing this song almost every time I log in to the site. It is a song about mother’s undying love – it is a song of love.
In the bible, the coat of many colors is the name of the multi-colored garment that Joseph owned but in this song, it is a patchwork coat of many materials which have been of different colors. The song, Coat of Many Colors originally sung by Dolly Parton, tells a story of how Parton’s mother stitched together a coat for her daughter out of rags given to the family. As she sewed, she told her child the biblical story of Joseph and his coat of many colors.

Well, I'm not really into country music but this song perfectly reflects how humble our life was. In my family, getting what we wanted was less easy. But despite all these, my parents were so generous beyond their means. And just like the Coat of Many Colors, the greatest gift they gave us was the gift of love. 

I am Xuanya………

 XUANYA is Chinese for cliff.  I once heard from a wise man, that when you are pushed off a cliff, you either fall or you fly. I am not the cliff but you can call me Xuanya – I am Xuanya . And this is my story of climbing up the wall and seeing another road, when I thought it was already a dead end.

The breeze was cold in the early morning of November.  I could smell the balmy odor of eucalyptus trees growing along the lonely highway.  It was still a little dark but the brightness of the day was starting to flourish in the sky.  On the window of the bus, I could see old women crating dried leaves in their yard while men had their plows on their shoulders. From a distance, I could see the arch welcoming everyone. Finally, I reached my point of destination. It’s nice to be back home.

It was a 10 hrs of travel from Manila to Ilocos but the place was worth the long journey. My hometown had a lot to offer for travelers like white sand beaches , windmills which is first in Southeast Asia ( I think), Hispanic architectures , old churches and bridges and of course good food. But I was not there for these. I was there to heal the wounds. I was there because I had realised, I had nowhere to go.

Meanwhile, as I moved closer to our house , I saw Nanay grazing our animals in the field near our humble house. Our house is situated in the middle of rice fields. It was the same house I left 4 yrs ago but it became older – roof turned brown and cracks became visible on the walls. Upon seeing me, Nanay approached and helped me carry my bags. “Kumusta  anak”, she asked. I smiled. After all, she knew why I was home.

“Gising na, Dito na kuya nyo!!”, I heard my father waking my younger siblings.  Then, they went to open my bags and I saw how disappointed they were to see nothing inside. It’s a good thing I had a pair of apples to compensate their letdown. For them, Manila was a land of bounty that whenever you come home, you have at least “ some” for them. But not that time. I didn’t want to come home empty handed but that’s all I could afford .

The memories were in the past but the pain is still haunting me up to the present.

I stayed in Ilocos for more than a year. I stopped going to college because my parents could't afford my tuition and my aunt won’t help me anymore. So, In the province, I again actualized how difficult life was. Ulam was unexpected until  mealtime – depends on what was available in the farm. During rainy season, kangkong sprouted  all over the field so we always had ulam on those days . Summer was tough because the land was dry. Sometimes, there were “lone egpplants” living in some areas that even an immature fruit needed to be picked just to have something for dinner.

Life was hard. Really hard.  So I decided to go back to Manila to look for a job. My mother was against but  I was able to convince her when I agreed to stay with our relative – but she didn’t know I lied. I didn’t want to go back to that place anymore.  Her face was so worried when she accompanied me to the terminal. She handed me P3,000 she saved from her ice candy business(not really a business but  Nanay sells ice candy, anyway). The bus started to move  and passed my mother on her bike. I was crying inside.

This part of my life, this woeful moment of my life ignited a flame of thirst -a vision of a better life. I had to make myself believe that I can stop poverty in my family despite my inner doubts. I knew it was impossible because resources were lacking and in reality, self-motivation was not enough and will never be an assurance. But I have shown courage to my mother before I left. So I have to find that strength to stand up. No matter how difficult , no matter how impossible.

Things You Should Know......

I am.........

• born under the sign of the water bearer
• second to the eldest of 6 siblings
• know how challenging and sometimes hard life is so I value all the blessings that comes my way
• a joker and happy person in public but I cried a lot when I'm alone
• blessed to have a loving family
• a devoted child of the one true GOD
• i tend to be sentimental 
• born with the gift of sensitivity - more of an Empathy which can sense a persons true feelings
• I've been working in the CC/BPO industry since 2003
• I've been into a lot - from hell n' back but I pride myself for always being grounded and overcoming the challenges and trials in my life
• I love the rain and the smell of it
• I love nature
• I love Naima - my pet dog who's no longer with me
• I have no fear in the dark nor the paranormal but I am claustrophobic
• When I was young, I wanted to be a lawyer
• I value my different mentors in life
• I fight for what I feel and know is right
• I value respect and attention
• I believe that there is no such thing as chance but we make our own destiny
• I love to cook and experiment in the kitchen
• My mom would deny it but I know Im the son of the Sultan of Brunei
• I hate my current job and I dont see myself working in the same industry next year
• I aspire to be the best person I can be and to be a role model of how I live my life
• I love Martha Stewart , Giana de Laurentiis and Nanay
• I want to see Santorini and I'd love to live in New York
• I love mellow/ballad
• I love country lifestyle
• I love the simplicity of life
• I love myself and the way life is treating me.........

Moving on...

Hi,

They said that the only constant thing in this world is change… and having said that, I decided to make change by reminiscing life’s bitter-sweet memories… so for this, I will now be publishing some of them in a different platform and that is here – http://iamyuandancel.blogspot.com/

What’s the reason for change? Nothing… I just want something new…hehehe

I hope you will follow my story here…