Sunday, February 12, 2012



Friday, January 13, 2012

The Story of A Lifeless Tree Behind Sunset

………a picture of once a perfect family tree

It was once a beautiful tree. Branches grew slender, sprouted leaves towards the sky. As the season passed, leaves changed and eventually fell on the ground, left a bare tree in winter but replaced by new green leaves in spring. As the wind blew, branches smoothly flew as it was dancing to a melody of an old ballad song. In summer, leaves were luminous, radiantly shone like silver glitters sprinkled on top.  This was once a beautiful attraction. T'was a magnificent imagery of once a perfect family tree.

I am staring at that dark, shaded, abandoned tree. How that tree is becoming leafless and lifeless under that dark grey cloud. I've been standing here,by the window, for couple of hours thinking and trying to figure out the answer. But it seems that I am having a hard time getting a replication because all I can hear is a resounding laughter of young voices cheerfully playing around this tree in the past. And suddenly, uncontrollable tears fall beneath my heart. I feel like I want to get closer again to see a possible chance of life. But something is holding me back, perhaps, a nightmare in the past. I remember, I tried once before and as I walked along that never-ending path of doubt , captious whisper echoed and I was scrutinized like a new captive in a prison cell . I am afraid now, so I will just remain hidden under this heavy blanket of hurt.

As I close my eyes, I can see how this tree stood alone yesterday. Though its bark was tender and branches were wimpy, its leafy branches majestically lifted and spread out like a mat in the air.I miss the time when all it had was thick shrub of leaves covering life beneath. I could still remember how humble it bended every time a heavy wind or a storm beated its back. But,as years go by, flowers began to flourish and later became fruits.  That’s when it started. Greed!  Envy! These conceivably extinguished a once lively and happy ancestry.

It’s getting dark now. I can feel the cold breeze of the evening. I am looking at the tree branches etched against the sky like an empty hands raised above. The leaves are long gone and only the shadow of branches remains. My heart is in pain as I see a lifeless tree silhouette behind sunset. I wonder if flying birds would bother to stop, or bats would cling on those branches in the morning to rest. But that won’t matter at all. I just want this tree to live again. How possible would that be? That, I am not sure. For as long as the pain remains, this tree would remain dark and cold.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Perfect Ending....

Life tends to be stressful. So before it dominates me, I think of my own potential. I step back to have a clearer view of the pain and I plan. At the end of the day, I know that the only person who could help myself is me. So when frustrations bother me, I remind myself the important things others tend to forget at tough times, and I’m sharing it with you.I know that you're reading this and I am writing this for you too.

I understand that life is never easy. Everyday is always unpredictable, everything can happen. There are moments that I am struggling to put a smile because of  so much pain this journey is causing me. But, whenever I encounter such misfortune, I always think that I am not alone.  No matter how bizarre or embarrassed or pathetic I feel about my own situation, there will be others out there experiencing the same emotions.  When I hear myself say “I am all alone,” it is my mind trying to sell me a lie so I will continue to feel sorry for myself. Nobody has it easy.  I never know what people are going through.  Every one of us has issues.  Sometimes it’s easy to feel like I’m the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by.  But that feeling is a lie.So I don’t belittle myself or anyone else.  Everybody is fighting their own unique war. So I Just hold on. I have all everything I could to make it better. I know that it won’t always be this way.

I am holding back my tears and keep on believing that I am strong so I will not cry. But every time I keep a tear from flowing, I am just adding up a pain into my heart. I've been through this multiple times and I realised, It’s ok to cry. Crying doesn’t indicate that  I am weak.  Since birth, it has always been a sign that I am alive and full of potential. I acknowledge my tears; I let it all go. I don’t dwell on it for too long because I might not notice life’s surprises. When I spend time worrying, I am simply using my imagination to create things I don’t want .Right now is life. So, I Live it. If I wake up in the morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in my life today, and I pay close attention, I’ll often find that I am right. I tear down any emotional brick walls I have built around me and feel every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.  This is how I welcome new opportunities.

Some of the pain is caused by people around me. Several times I keep on ignoring them, I Don't give in. When other people treat me poorly, I keep being myself. I don’t ever let someone else' bitterness change the person I am. I give up worrying about what others think of me.  What they think isn’t important.  What is important is how I feel about myself.  I spend more time with those who make me smile and less time with those who I feel pressured to impress. After all, No matter how cautiously I choose my words, someone will always twist them around and misinterpret what I say.  So I just say what I need to say. I always remember that the best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives my adversaries more insane than seeing me smile. I Never let them know that they got me.I don’t care so I ignore them. I hold my head up high and pretend all their negative remarks don’t even phase me, and someday they actually won’t.

Sometimes I accidentally allow small problems to escalate and dominate my life. There will always be small issues that irritate me. From overcharged few cents to unsatisfying customer service, slow traffic, annoying passengers, impatient SSS employees, corrupt officials to the simplest issue...irritate me and ruin my day, and everyone else'. There will always be small issues that irritate me; the secret is to be able  to give them the miniscule level of importance they deserve. Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. The key is, If it’s out of my control, why fret about it?  Concentrating on things I can control is how I make good things happen.

I see young people go to exclusive universities, teens who drive their own cars, friends in Starbucks, others in condo apartments -the list is long. These people have worry and care free lives. And I look at myself , I have nothing. Most of the time, I want to feel rich so I just count all the great things I have that money can't buy. Life is filled with simple pleasures, the little satisfying effects I never really anticipate, but always take great pleasure in.  They are the gifts of lif e that we each subconsciously celebrate in our own unique way. My family and the love we share  is my wealth, its value is more than the most precious gem. 

All these and more, I finally realised that in this journey, everyone wants a perfect ending.  But over the years I’ve learned that some of the best poems don’t rhyme, and many great stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, or end.  Life is about not knowing, embracing change, and taking a moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next. I enjoy life surprises, no matter how small. I will keep living because tough times never last. Courage doesn’t always roar aloud.  Sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day whispering, “I will try again tomorrow.”  So I will stand strong. My father once said, "Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out". So I will always keep my best.

And I am committed to making the best of it along with YOU.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Life Hurts...

Naniniwala ako, life is not so great sometimes. Life is hard, tanggapin natin! And we live in a world where we have the blessed and comfortable, those trying to be comfortable and those who are not comfortable at all. And sadly, we are all here to survive.  

We must live, kahit hindi na natin alam kung paano tau ulit huminga.

Marahil ito ang dahilan kung bakit ginawa ko ang blog na ito. Just like most of us, meron din akong kwento. Marahil ikaw, meron din.  We all have our own stories, and I would like to share mine. Many people have been through similar experiences and sharing it, I think, would inspire people to go back where they’ve lost courage and start to live again. And my ability to peel back the layers of my life and eventually look how it got from there to here is so hopeful for other people to look at their own.

From my previous posts, maybe you already knew that I am from a simple family – financially marginalised that is! But my previous posts were just the tip of an iceberg. There are still too many pains that are settling at the back of my heart. Sabi nga nila, move forward and leave the past behind. Madaming beses ko na kinalimutan iyon lahat. But there are still moments in my life when I see flashbacks. Bitter memories that are supposed to be buried are still haunting me. At sa mga pagkakataon na iyon, bumabalik ako dito because this is my only refuge – to gain life again.

I’ve been through a lot, in fact, I’ve been to hell and back. The hardest part of this journey so far, is when I arrived in Manila – after I left my province. I wanted to be part of this world. Katulad din ng iba, gusto ko din ng maayos na buhay. I wanted to erase poverty in my family. Maihahambing ko ang kabanatang ito ng buhay ko sa isang dahong nalagas sa puno, nahulog sa batis ng buhay at inagos ng tubig ng pag-asa. Nanalig ako sa aking kakayahan at katulad ng iba, umasa din ako na magtatagumpay. Subalit naging mapangahas ang agos ng tubig. Madaming beses akong nagpalutang –lutang sa kawalan. Kumapit ako, mahigpit na mahigpit, kahit buhay man ang kapalit. Umasa na sa kabilang dako ay magkakaroon ng makakapitan subalit, ang munti kong kakayahan ay sadyang mahina… hanggang sa hinayaan ko na lang ang aking sarili na sumunod sa agos ng buhay. Walang katiyakan ang paroroonan.Madaming beses sumadsad sa bato, inagos ng tubig hanggang sa kalaunan natuto akong kumapit. Hindi naging madali subalit alam kong sa ganitong paraan, nalalaman ko kung saan ako patutungo.

For a long time, I banished. Like, I put myself in an exile. Kumbaga sa balita, news blackout. I didn’t want my family to know that I was not ok. For more than a year, I was dead. I lived with people I’ve just met in a place I’ve never been before. Subic and Olongapo are great places but my ways of life weren’t. Despite all the challenges, I was able to save and start a life again back in Manila.

Envy. It started all. Kumapit ako sa patalim.I met several people from different aspects of life - some had real intentions, some just wanted to play with their boredom and others just wanted to shout their bounty. But it doesnt matter at all , I just wanted to live that's all! Sa bawat tuluyan, ako'y namangha sa ayos ng higaan, sa linis at kintab ng kwarto at sa lamig ng aircon.Minsan nga,halos ikinukubli ko ang aking paa sa bawat pag apak sa sahig. Ni hindi ko nga maiangat ang paa ko sa upuan katulad ng iba sa takot na madumihan ko ito.Subalit, sa gitna ng mga tagpong iyon na buhay ko, ako'y nainggit at nangarap. Ninais kong magkaroon ng disenteng tulugan, maayos na kwarto at magarbong palamuti.Sa pagkakataong iyon, nabuo ang aking pangarap - ang mamuhay at magkaroon ng mga bagay na hindi ko natikman.

Probably that feeling of inferiority triggered me of wanting to earn more. So, I decided to work in a call center. Ayoko sa iba, gusto ko call center lang. Konti pa lang ang call center nun, mahirap din makapasok. Every Sunday, nakaugalian ko nang bumili ng Manila Bulletin and in the evening, I planned where to go for the whole week. At 7AM in the morning, from Mondays tru Fridays, umaalis na ako ng bahay dala ang resume. Minsan wala pamasahe so minsan nilalabhan ko damit ng mga boardmates ko or minsan d ako kumakain. Many times I was denied from getting the job. ” Your  application will be kept active and keep your lines open cuz we might call you for the next evaluation”, yan ang madalas sabihin sa akin ng recruiter. Talo ko pa ang nagrereview sa board exam dahil gabi-gabi ko binabasa at kinakabisado ang scripted responses ko sa interbyu. Araw – araw iyon. Nalulungkot nga ako kapag Sabado at Linggo ksi wala akong aaplyan. Halos gabi-gabi , umiiyak ako dahil hndi ako natatanggap. Nalulungkot nga ako nun ksi iyong iba nga, gusto lang ang trabahong ito para masustentuhan ang layaw.Kung sino pa naman ang me kailangan sa trabaho, siya pa rin ang pinagkakaitan. Ganunpaman,kailangang magpatuloy. Para na nga akong professional sa paghahanap ng trabaho sa call center eh. Hanggang sa dumating ang ika 43rd  day of job hunting, nakatanggap ako ng tawag. While I was listening to that call, my tears started to fall. For a long time that I patiently waited, naawa sa akin ang Diyos. Binigay ang matagal kong hiling. At sa pagkakataong iyon, nagkaroon ulit ako ng pag-asa.

Life became easy after that. Madami pa ring pagsubok pero ganun naman talaga ang buhay. And just like with that lost leaf in the stream,wandering despite the strong riverflow, alam ko na sa takdang panahon, mararating pa rin ang paroroonan. At patuloy ko pa ring isasalaysay ang paglalakbay ng dahon ng aking buhay. Because in the end only by sharing will be able to live with the struggles ,to live with pain and sadness to gather strength and to live again.

One Day I'll Fly Away..

For  so many years now, I have been struggling taking the twists and turns of this life. I have taken so many paths that would lead me to my direction but it seems that it’s taking so long to finish a lap. More recently, I have seen friends getting promoted, had a good career, started a family – while I am still here.  The days and years have gone by and I can’t believe that we are already in 2011. What happened? Where did life go? Am I too picky?

I hope life is like a cassette player. We can erase moments that are vexations to our spirit. We can fast forward to the result of our hardships or even rewind to the most precious part of our existence. But I think the best feature that would have been a great help is the power to go back and pause life when I need to make a decision from variety of choices. But sadly, life is not a cassette player. It is a real –life drama that you have to face real time without turning back.
I would admit, I have done so many wrong decisions in the past. And I let so many opportunities to pass by.  But what if those decisions were the most righteous that time? They said that opportunity knocks once. So does that mean that since it knocks once, you have to grab it the first time? 

I probably have regrets but I only have few. And if I could turn back time, I would probably choose the same option I’ve picked. It is not because it is the most applauded answer during QA's  but simply because I am tired of taking another track overcoming another set of challenges. What is more important is the fact that I learned a lot of valuable lessons. Some of my choices may have landed me in unpleasant circumstances, but experiencing these things certainly built my current character. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for those character-building situations. My mistakes are stepping stones to my evolving life. There’s no need for me to sink into regret or despair – I keep my chin up.

It  may be true that opportunity knocks once. It may be true that I have let it pass. But it is also true that there are so many opportunities in this world, it is only up to me on how to explore them. All I need to have is the power to make the right decision. And if at worst that opportunity never knocks again, I know that there is always my angel who would take me to his cradle. And one day,  when that moment arrives, I know I will fly away. And beyond the silver tint of the cloud of doubt , I know I will succeed with another blow.

As I put down my pen, I suddenly had a reflection about my own race. I finally realized that the end of the race happens at the end of our lives. Where I am at now is not the barometer of success. Many just think that going a straight line is the fastest way to get to a point . But I'll do otherwise. I will follow the curves and fixing every curls along the way.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Forgotten Homework... a working student's file

My professor in one of my major disciplines asked us to show a video clip that would highlight one of the learning theories we have discussed so far this semester. Along with the video clip, she also required us to make a brief reflection  about the video and it's significance to current Philippines situation. After work, I hurried off to school and I didn't realise that we will present this to class today. So during my break time, I grabbed my laptop and finished my assignment.It's a good thing that the area has wifi so I was able to search videos from youtube.

Let me share you my output that earned me an on the spot A++ score...hahahaha!

A Reflection on Bandura’s Social Learning Theory
By: Ryan M. Dancel


Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory (SLT) assumes that people's environment cause people to behave in certain ways. SLT simply states that a person will imitate the behavior of a role model, and this behavior will continue if they receive positive reinforcement of that behavior. According to the research conducted by Bandura and his work on SLT in the imitation of aggression, if children were witnesses to an aggressive display by an adult they would imitate this aggressive behavior when given the opportunity. That is, children learn social behavior such as aggression through the process of observation learning - through watching the behavior of another person.

The message in the video is clear: children would imitate behavior that they see around them such as talking on a phone, body language … smoking, violence. Children learn through the act of imitation. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. If we want our children to be responsible children and adults then we must act responsibly ourselves.  Responsible behavior must be taught by us to the children from a very early age. If we leave it too late to teach our children responsibilities we may have to backtrack and change the child’s behavior and perception of responsibilities.

There is an article I have read that I would like to emphasize in connection with aggression and its relationship with criminality. Based from that article, some criminality are learned behaviors, imitated from role models. When a person sees a role model performing a behavior and then receives positive feedback this is remembered. If that person has the chance to imitate this behavior they will. If they then get positive reinforcement for this imitation then the chance of them repeating this behavior is increased.

Overall, I think that the video is an excellent example of using psychology to provoke awareness of a very serious problem. As a model of good behavior, there’s a great role of parents in the development of behavior of their children. As parents, we have to be aware of the influence we have over children – both positive and negative. I do believe that the best school we have is still our homes and parents still remain as the best teacher. Make your influence positive!!

This is a video clip from television ad which was aired in Australia few years ago. I took this video from